Boogeyman and Dementia

I originally wrote this post for my older blog that I wrote about my bipolar. If focuses on hallucinations, in particular those from dementia. But instead of rewriting the same article I wanted to just include it here on this new blog of mine focusing on dementia.

I know hallucinations are common territory to different forms of dementia. It’s a common mistake to believe that hallucinations only inflict those with Lewey Body or Alzheimer’s. The truth is anyone who suffers from any form of dementia is at risk to feel their mind

split from reality. What is consistent is that each form dementia tends to manifest hallucinations differently for each dementia.
This is my personal story of hallucinations. It is my desire to help loved ones and caregivers see the world of their LO from the inside out of what’s going on inside of their demented brain. I can only do this by writing about my own dementia.

I’m no stranger to hallucinations. If you’ve read any of my other reflections you know I’m bipolar. So I’ve been on anti-psychotics for years. But lately, about six months ago, when I could tell my dementia progressing I could also see an increase in the hallucinations. It’s not uncommon for me to have night terrors and see an evil looking presence lurking in the room.

If you have loved one who experience hallucinations try to imagine what they are feeling. The terror. The confusion. The lost feeling. Helplessness. What they need is security and redirection, comfort.
This is a story of one hallucination in particular that refuses leave me. One that is reoccurring.
This is one account of a repetitive hallucination I may encounter during the night as a complication of my insomnia. He is a man, or some other type of male figure, that hides in my closet whom I refer to as the boogeyman. Even though the man in the closet, the boogeyman is the scariest persona I encounter in my bedroom, or anywhere, at night in the dark it is the one I fear the most. I know the boogeyman isn’t real and has no real physical power over me. Others have come and gone, but not the boogeyman. It’s as if he is here to stay. The boogeyman is also the only hallucination to look at me directly in the face as if with intent. I’ve interacted with other persons of hallucinations but I couldn’t remember their faces or even know if I looked at their face. But the boogeyman will open the closet door just enough to be able to send an evil stare right at me. That’s how I know his eyes are yellowish. The boogeyman’s hallucinations are so powerful they are also auditory. Sometimes with the door closed noises will come from the closest. Bangs. Scratches on the door. I know they are not real. But combine all these together and it’s hard to control that fear. It’s hard to dismiss it all. The boogeyman makes it seem personal.