More on Hallucinations & Delusions

Last night I had the privilege of enjoying a quiet evening with my mother and grandmother at my home baking cooking and making dinner. It was a special time for me since I hadn’t had the chance to do this with my own children in a couple of years. It had been a tradition of our to do. We would stay up late, put Christmas cartoons on, and start making Christmas cookies. The kitchen would be a mess. But last night was July 1, 2015 and my grandmother passed away over two years ago.

I learned much of my cooking abilities from my grandmother. She taught me all of her secrets and was constantly giving me nifty little kitchen gadget. She always had a story to go with every scenario. She passed while living in a home. That night we laughed and baked as we decorated cookies. I got the privilege of writing down many of her recipes before the night was over. And it was double special for me. I haven’t been able to follow this same tradition with my own children in over two years. We had always put on Christmas cartoons or music followed by spreading out of the cooking making materials making a mess. By the time we were done the kitchen looked as if the Keebler Elf tree had been up rooted in my kitchen.

I became frantic the next day when I couldn’t find my recipes I copied. I searched everywhere. They were grandmother’s and I didn’t want to lose them. But I never wrote them down to lose them. I asked my wife about them and she never saw them and my mom never came by.

Dementia is a group of symptoms of many different complex conditions. Dementia affects the part of the brain that is responsible for our perceptions, what we see, hear, taste and smell, the cerebral cortex of the brain. The cerebral cortex is responsible for how an individual perceives a situation and how he or she responds.

Individuals suffering from dementia will experience a range of emotions and express thoughts which appear real to them at the moment. Even though these thoughts are typically imaginary or made up, they evoke feelings that are very real to the person and often times causes extreme anxiety, panic or fear.

Boogeyman and Dementia

I originally wrote this post for my older blog that I wrote about my bipolar. If focuses on hallucinations, in particular those from dementia. But instead of rewriting the same article I wanted to just include it here on this new blog of mine focusing on dementia.

I know hallucinations are common territory to different forms of dementia. It’s a common mistake to believe that hallucinations only inflict those with Lewey Body or Alzheimer’s. The truth is anyone who suffers from any form of dementia is at risk to feel their mind

split from reality. What is consistent is that each form dementia tends to manifest hallucinations differently for each dementia.
This is my personal story of hallucinations. It is my desire to help loved ones and caregivers see the world of their LO from the inside out of what’s going on inside of their demented brain. I can only do this by writing about my own dementia.

I’m no stranger to hallucinations. If you’ve read any of my other reflections you know I’m bipolar. So I’ve been on anti-psychotics for years. But lately, about six months ago, when I could tell my dementia progressing I could also see an increase in the hallucinations. It’s not uncommon for me to have night terrors and see an evil looking presence lurking in the room.

If you have loved one who experience hallucinations try to imagine what they are feeling. The terror. The confusion. The lost feeling. Helplessness. What they need is security and redirection, comfort.
This is a story of one hallucination in particular that refuses leave me. One that is reoccurring.
This is one account of a repetitive hallucination I may encounter during the night as a complication of my insomnia. He is a man, or some other type of male figure, that hides in my closet whom I refer to as the boogeyman. Even though the man in the closet, the boogeyman is the scariest persona I encounter in my bedroom, or anywhere, at night in the dark it is the one I fear the most. I know the boogeyman isn’t real and has no real physical power over me. Others have come and gone, but not the boogeyman. It’s as if he is here to stay. The boogeyman is also the only hallucination to look at me directly in the face as if with intent. I’ve interacted with other persons of hallucinations but I couldn’t remember their faces or even know if I looked at their face. But the boogeyman will open the closet door just enough to be able to send an evil stare right at me. That’s how I know his eyes are yellowish. The boogeyman’s hallucinations are so powerful they are also auditory. Sometimes with the door closed noises will come from the closest. Bangs. Scratches on the door. I know they are not real. But combine all these together and it’s hard to control that fear. It’s hard to dismiss it all. The boogeyman makes it seem personal.